It was 3 a.m. Tuesday morning, and I knew. I knew we would have a baby that day, just like I knew at 3 a.m. on a Tuesday morning a little more than three years ago with Sofia.
Three years ago, however, I felt invincible. I went to the office, I held a meeting, I didn't think too much about what I was, or wasn't, eating and drinking. And yes, I paid for it later on. Though Sofia's birth was the most profound experience of my life to that point, there were certainly some, shall we politely say, rough stretches.
So this time around I was armed with knowledge gained from that experience. I ate the most nutritious food I could before the pain got to be too much, and slugged a ton of water. Score a point for me. But sometimes ignorance is bliss, because with all my lovely knowledge came...more knowledge. Knowledge of hours of contractions, exhaustion and pain that pushes you to the brink. Honestly? I was scared. I questioned whether or not I could do it again.
Thankfully, I had a little help.
In what has to be one of the biggest blessings of this pregnancy/labor/delivery/recovery, my sister flew down from Alaska on Monday evening -- just in case I happened to go into labor during the three days she was able to stay with us. Because of the effort that required, especially traveling with 2-year-old Aidan, I just assumed that it was pretty much guaranteed that I wouldn't have Nico while she was here. But in one of the best cases of timing EVER, there I was, in labor.
So with Sofia wonderfully occupied by Auntie Jess and cousin Aidan, I labored away. Labored and wondered just how all of this would turn out. The contractions grew stronger, but were still sporadically spaced out -- anywhere from 5-15 minutes apart. They needed to be consistently five minutes apart before it was time to go to the birthing center. As it turns out, they never did reach that point.
All of a sudden, contractions were coming fast and furious at 2-4 minutes apart. John called the midwives, who were to meet us at the birthing center in half an hour.
And here we faced the dreaded car ride. As there was NO WAY I was going to deal with these contractions while strapped upright into a seat bumping along the most pothole-filled road in Portland, I crawled into the backseat and hung onto the headrest for dear life. I may have also yelled at John once or twice...or maybe every time he so much as touched the brakes.
We reached the Alma birthing center at 9:30. Every second of the car ride was worth it the moment I entered the candlelit birthing room to the sound of the tub being filled. Ahhhh. It was here that I could finally, completely release myself into the process. No more clock watching, no more half listening to the kids, no more physically holding back. It was go time.
After about a half an hour on my hands and knees on the bed, I dimly wondered how much more I could take. Thought I never wanted to do this again. Wondered if I was two centimeters or ten. It was at this point that I caught my heaven-sent midwife Melissa telling John that I was likely about nine centimeters. I also somehow perceived her encouraging me to get into the tub.
With Sofia, I was so exhausted and dehydrated that moving from the bed to the tub was impossible. This time around I managed the ten feet or so to the tub, stopping for just one contraction.
The moment my skin hit the water, I could breath again. I knew I could do this. I prayed, I meditated, I let my body do what it needed to do. Every ounce of my strength was directed downward, and I realized I wasn't just having contractions, I was pushing. And then came the realization that although I was completely released into the birthing process, I was still in control. As soon as I felt I could take no more, I stopped. I let the water envelope me and relax me. When the time came, I marshalled my strength and gave it everything I had.
And thus at 10:31 p.m., May 31, Nico entered the world.
If there is a more intense moment in the world than when a mama first meets her baby, I can't imagine was it is. The physical relief, the elation, the amazement, the pride, the awe, the LOVE. And let's face it, a little bit of shock! All these things hit at once...and there are simply no words to describe it.
Later on, I learned a bit more about the moments surrounding Nico's birth. My little rock-n-roller had his cord wrapped around his neck, but God blessed and guided the hands of my midwives and they unwound him so gracefully we never even knew it. And apparently, my little guy took a bit of a swim upon his grand entry! John will swear he breaststroked across the tub.
The next few hours were a blur of bonding with, nursing, and eventually measuring Nico (7 lbs, 6 oz, 19.5 inches). Watching John meet his son was tremendous...I knew immediately we'd be fighting for snuggle time!
As I've looked back on all this over the last few days, my amazement continues to grow at the natural birth process, and at the utter awareness and skill of my midwives. Aside from checking Nico's heartrate, there was no need for me to be monitored or measured in any way -- simply by listening to me and watching me, my caretakers knew exactly what needed to happen and when.
Now I continue to process layer after layer of this, the second of the two most profound experiences of my life. Since the moment of Nico's birth, my circle of awareness is slowly expanding from simply realizimg that my baby was in my arms in a seeming blink of an eye, to my husband, to my body, to my daughter, and now it's slowly expanding to the world around me. I think I even know what day it is today! Monday? Yep! All right!
But the outside world can wait awhile still. Right now I'm reveling in watching this incredible love blossom between Sofia and Nico. It truly was love at first sight, and Sofia is exceeding all our expectations of being a fantastic big sister. She loves checking on Nico, and he's the first person she wants to see when she gets up in the morning. When she snuggles with him, he is quiet and still and looks at her with what I think are adoring eyes.
Here is Sofia meeting Nico for the first time:
This post can't be complete without a section on John. He has been nothing short of Superdad this last week. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, diaper duty, entertaining Sofia -- he has handled it all gracefully! He even managed to prune our front yard AND set up Sofia's trampoline. Now if I can just get a neck massage out of him, I can confidently say he's been perfect. Thank you, thank you, thank you, John, Sofia's father, Nico's father, my hero!
