An honest plea

Stop calling my daughter shy.

I'm astounded by this immediate reaction of perfect strangers to my daughter if she does not respond to their hellos or compliments about her outfit (which is 99% of what she hears from them -- really folks, there's more to my daughter than her cute outfit, but that's an entirely different topic).

She may very well be shy. If that's the case, then you have simply reinforced that idea in her head and made it harder for her the next time someone new approaches her. You may have also planted the seed that her "shyness" is somehow wrong, or socially unacceptable. Guess what? A lot of people are shy, and there isn't one thing wrong with that. Certainly my daughter is learning how to be polite in public, but again, you have made it that much harder by publicly painting her with the shy label.

And maybe my daughter isn't shy. Maybe when you, a total stranger, came up to her and began talking to her, she was tired. Maybe she was hungry. Or maybe she simply wasn't comfortable --as a THREE YEAR OLD -- talking to a complete stranger. But then you had to go and call her shy, again planting seeds in her head that the way she is naturally feeling is wrong and needs to be corrected.

I'm speaking from experience. I was a painfully shy child -- or actually, strike that. I THOUGHT I was painfully shy. And the more people said to me "why don't you smile?" or "why aren't you talking?" or "say something!" or just plain old, "you must just be shy," the more I shrank inside myself and began to believe that yes, I must be shy and there must be something wrong with that, otherwise why are people always telling me to act another way?

I'm adjusting my thinking as an adult. As a professional woman, I can comfortably get up in front of a crowd of people and speak off the cuff or give a prepared presentation -- and enjoy it. I can perform bellydance in front of crowds of people in all sorts of venues. I can teach private lessons or large groups. I can approach other moms in the parks and strike up conversations and friendships. Is that shy? Probably not. Rather, I take my time getting to know people. I prefer to listen rather than speak. I smile when I mean it. I enjoy my own company and don't need to always be around people.

So back to my daughter -- if the traits I just mentioned above are traits I'm passing on to my daughter, than I'm proud. But it took me 30 years to figure this out and stop listening to what other people *think* they know about me, and my daughter has a long way to go. So please, stop calling her shy. Treat her like you would like to be treated, without the labels.